


Basorexia

by TeaJay



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Roadtrip, Tumblr Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 08:52:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5157668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaJay/pseuds/TeaJay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basorexia: The strong desire to kiss someone</p>
            </blockquote>





	Basorexia

**Author's Note:**

> based on a tumblr prompt

The first time it happens they’re on the road following a lead on an old HYDRA base they think Bucky might head to. Steve looks over at Sam as they drive and is caught for a moment watching his lips as he sings along to the radio nodding his head a little in time to the music. He doesn’t just sing the words he croons along to the instrumental bits and Steve is mesmerized, watching his lips move, but he jerks his eyes away the moment Sam glances back at him.

“Hey man you okay?" 

"Yeah just got lost in thought for a moment.” He tries very hard after that not to imagine Sam’s lips on his but the whole ride to Boston his own lips tingle with the thought.

The next time he really thinks about kissing Sam it’s after they miss Bucky again, this time by only two days and he’s frustrated and tired and he misses him desperately. Sam touches his arm gently and says “We were close this time and next time we’ll be closer. At this rate it’ll only be oh a year or so before we catch up to him.” He says the last part jokingly they’ve been on the road for six months already and neither of them realized how long this journey would take. He is suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to kiss Sam for understanding, for having faith in Steve’s faith in Bucky, for going off on this wild goose chase with him when he could have stayed in DC with his steady job, for just being Sam and it scares him. Not because Sam is a man, he’d made peace with that a long time ago, but Sam is his friend and he doesn’t have many of those left and he doesn’t want to mess this up so he just says “Thanks. Maybe we’ll even be home in time to give Natasha our Christmas presents in person.” They’d collected kitschy souvenirs they’d thought she’d find amusing since she’d enjoyed the ridiculous postcards they’d sent her. Sam begins describing a ceramic cat he wants to get her and Steve relaxes the subject changed to something safer but the desire never leaves his mind.

Its after midnight and it’s only because he’s such a light sleeper that he hears him. Sam is silhouetted against the dim streetlight filtering into their hotel room, hunched over and breathing heavily. Steve rolls so he’s sitting on his bed facing Sam and calls his name softly. Sam looks up.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up. I’m just gonna-” he gestures to the bathroom and gets up. Steve can hear water splashing and then he comes back out looking a little better but Steve recognizes the sadness lingering in his eyes. The hunt for Bucky has dredged up a lot of Sam’s old ghosts; his wingman is not going to mysteriously show up, memories gone, body abused, but alive with something worth saving still inside.

“You can talk about it if you want." 

"No it’s fine I’ll just read for a bit and then try to get a little more sleep.” Sam never talks about it.

“If that’s what you need. But you know I’m not going to break if you lean on me a little right? I’m not a client I’m your friend. I know that this brings up some things you’d laid to rest and that you’re doing this for me so I’m here if you need me.”

Sam just watches him for a minute and Steve thinks maybe he really doesn’t want to talk when he sits down next to him.

“I didn’t really see it when it happened, you know. One minute Riley was there the next he was gone, just like that. But- in my dreams it happens in slow motion I see him get hit and I try to get to him but I can’t and I watch him fall and tonight- tonight he was screaming but sometimes he’s accusing me of not being able to save him. Then I realize I’m falling too and I wake up just before I hit the ground. Sometimes, you or Natasha or my family are there too and I can’t ever save anyone. That was my job you know? To save people. But I couldn’t save him.” He’s looking down at his hands. “I don’t need to put this on you. You’ve got your own shit to deal with and it doesn’t happen much anymore.”

Steve wants to wrap his arms around him, he wants to kiss his face and his neck and his forehead, and hold him; he settles for putting an arm around his shoulders.

“I can take it you don’t need to bottle everything up on my account. I understand.”

“I know it’s stupid to blame myself for it that there’s nothing I could have done-”

“But you still wonder if you could have moved faster or if you’d taken a different mission maybe it wouldn’t have happened? But it’s almost worse because you see it over and over knowing there’s nothing you can do?” Sam nods slowly.

“Maybe someday you can tell me about him? If you want I mean?”

“Yeah." Sam smiles a little still sad but less haunted. "I will. You’d have liked him he had a great sense of humor although he’d probably have made you blush. We have an early morning tomorrow.” He slips out from under Steve’s arm and Steve very purposefully does not lean over and kiss him goodnight.

It’s not the next time Steve wants to kiss Sam there’s been so many since the trip to Boston but Sam’s caught his eyes lingering on his lips this time and he watches the pieces click together in Sam’s mind. He opens his mouth to speak but Sam beats him to it leaning over and planting a kiss on his mouth. It’s gentle at first as Steve takes a second to get with the program but gets more passionate once he starts kissing back. Sam’s tongue presses at his lips which he’d closed in surprise and he opens his mouth and the kiss turns exploratory and a little filthy and he shivers when Sam’s hands come to rest on his waist. He pulls back when Sam does to get some air and Sam smiles up at him.

“Been wanting to do that for a while.”

“Really?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Oh me too.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“I thought I was being discrete,” he can tell he's going a bit red from the heat in his cheeks but he doesn't mind.

“It took me a bit to figure it out but Natasha kicked me in the butt- well figuratively-so.”

“Oh.”

“So are you going to kiss me or am I going to have to do all the work?”

Steve finally leans in, cups his face, and kisses him like he’s been dreaming about for the past month, long and slow and wet, and thinks that the real thing is even better.


End file.
